I always heard that kids change your life, but I didn’t know how much they change your life and how much theses changes change you as a person. You know the actual person that is constantly changing the “hats” that they now wear. Nobody told me that you really lose sight of yourself whilst you are busy constantly changing the Mum hat, to the wife hat, then the cleaner hat and more often than not the “get me a snack” hat and every other hat that us as new mums now wear. Sometimes becoming a mother is the most fulfilling job and you don’t know how you survived without them. Whereas sometimes becoming a mother is a constant battle within yourself just to get through the day.
Nobody told me how hard breastfeeding is. I heard that it can be hard, but nobody actually described the horrible razor cutting pain that you can experience on every single breast suck. Nobody told me that you will start crying as soon as your baby starts crying because you know that they are hungry and you know how much pain you will be in to do so. You will pray they keep sleeping just so you can go a little longer without the pain. Nobody told me about the empty and ‘life being sucked’ out of you feeling that you will experience whilst you nourish and nurture your baby even months after birth.
Nobody told me just how differently your children’s breastfeeding journey’s can be and just because you had a difficult journey with one that your 2nd, 3rd, 4th children will be the same. Nobody told me how sore your neck will be from constantly looking down at your feeding baby and having the constant feeling that your heart will explode with this unconditional love for them. Nobody told me how much you will really notice the finer details of your child’s face and hands as they drift off to sleep in your arms. The little flutters of their eye lids and twitches of their hands. Nobody told me just how perfect they will appear.
Nobody told me how you just get through the days with next to no sleep. Nobody told me just how long the days can be but how quick the years are. Nobody told me to just to stand still and watch. Really watch as this is when the real magic is seen, and your heart really will explode with happiness, and you will be overwhelmingly proud of your child.
Nobody told me how much you will cry throughout motherhood. Whether this be from the moment they are laid on your chest to hours of rocking and pure exhaustion in the middle of the night or from comforting a hurt baby or tears of happiness and pride. Whether it be from tears of worry and fear or tears of happiness and laughter, there will be a lot of crying.
Nobody told me about the uterus cramping pain that you will experience in the days after birth. Nobody told me just how horrible some mid-wives and health nurses can be. Nobody told me just how judged you will feel (not actually be, just feel) from everyone (and yourself) that you are not doing a good job and that you are doing “it” all wrong. Nobody told me that their opinion and comments don’t matter and that you as a mother know what’s best for your child. Nobody told me to believe in myself and know that I am doing a great job even when it feels like you are falling apart. Nobody told me to remember “your child, your choice”.
Nobody told me how much you would worry about EVERY single thing including “are they still breathing”, “are they too hot”, “are they too cold”, “have they eaten enough at lunch”, “have I given them enough attention today”, have they watched too much television”, “are they ok at day care today?”, “am I modelling situations that I want them to demonstrate?” and the list goes on. Nobody told me how much I will worry and the silly little things (that aren’t really silly little things) that I will worry about.
Nobody told me how much your relationship with your partner will change and sometimes suffer but also how incredible your moments together as a new family will be. Nobody told me about all these new feelings and emotions you will experience and that they take time to identify, embrace and cherish as you all settle in and grow together. Nobody told me just had much this will change and that it may require a lot of time and work.
Nobody told me to just sit and read your baby. Watch what they do and learn how they are communicating their wants and needs with you. Nobody told me to stop and listen to their cry to learn what it meant and what they were trying to communicate with you. Nobody told me they you must be ahead of your own mindset even in the toughest of moments. Babies don’t think I want to keep Mummy up all night so I’m going to scream unless she is holding me. Nobody told me to really focus on my mindset at points of pure exhaustion and it will help in the moment. Nobody told me just how much babies sense their mother’s energy. Nobody told me to block the screaming out and focus on my body tense and breathing for 10-15 seconds and this in turn will calm bub down too whilst you are trying to rock them to sleep at 1am.
Nobody told me that you will become so overstimulated from literally doing nothing. Nobody told me that you will pick the same toy up off the floor 20 times in the morning alone. Nobody told me that you will just want to finish building that tower of blocks before it is sent flying across the room, and that you will get frustrated when you are 3 blocks high, and it’s knocked over. Nobody told me that your heart will be so full seeing how proud your little one is when they have knocked literally every block flat on the floor you will just want to build it again so you can see their cute their little clap and the proud look on their face.
Nobody told me that you will know many Bluey episodes word or word and that Miss Rachel songs will be going around and around in your head at 2am. Nobody told me that hearing you child laugh at something funny on the television will make you smile ear to ear and not feel guilty for letting them watch some TV.
Nobody told me how often the food you have spend hours preparing would constantly end up on the floor and you would end up feeding them a toasted cheese sandwich for dinner. Nobody told me that I could peel a banana incorrectly.
Nobody told me how frustrating your child would get when they can’t communicate what they want or what is wrong. Nobody told me how much you will cry when you just don’t understand what your child wants or what is wrong so you can help them and take their frustration or pain away.
Nobody told me how happy you will be when you hear Mummy for the first time. Nobody told me how wonderful the sound of “mum” is but also how insane you feel when you have heard your name being called on repeat for no real reason at all. You know the Mum, Mum Mum Mummm, MUM name call.
Nobody told me just how hard but how incredibly amazing this journey is. Motherhood is hard but life isn’t meant to be easy. The biggest accomplishments come from tough places. Motherhood is tough but so are you.
REMEMBER - YOUR CHILD, YOUR CHOICE
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Love Kez xx